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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

July 28, 2014
And Here Is John by doughboycafe is, in the suggester's words, "a useful reminder that wars aren't just all about men and trenches" on the 100th anniversary of the First World War.
Suggested by VFreie
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ok, a little short i pumped out for the :iconwriters-workshop: 'Unreliable Narrator' workshop. I think I was supposed to do a character sketch, but oops, all this spilled out. Pretty much came from listening to Emmy Lou Harris. If you haven't heard '1917', it is worth youtubing.

I have a very clear idea of Emilie and what's happening with her, but I'm interested to see what you think is happening with her.

Crit for tWR: fav.me/d577vic

So, Crit Questions:
:bulletpink: What do you think is the deal with Emilie?
:bulletpink: What did you feel happened at the end there?
:bulletpink: does this fit your description of an unreliable narrator, why or why not?
:bulletpink: grammar shiz: Anything off, clunky, or grammatically incorrect?

Big ups to :iconoboe-wan: for helping me slug through this one.

EDIT: June 2012, made some edits, retooled the beginning, or rather, rearranged things. Hopefully cleaned up the punctuation but I probably need a little more help with that.
© 2012 - 2024 doughboycafe
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Gi-Saggiomo's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

So, first off, this is amazing, seriously, I'd love to see more of your writings, so I'm gonna watch you, excume moi.

Now, about your questions:

What do you think is the deal with Emilie?
- Well, I believe Emilie is a prostitute, yes, but I din´t think she is the kind of prostitute who does this for money... I actually believe she does this as a "way to help", or a escape reality, somehow.
Somethins about her makes me believe John is such a common name, and at the same time, not that common in France, after all.. It makes me think that somehow John is not the same person as always... But at the same time, I believe John more than I believe in Amelie. I had a John once. He'd always makes me smile with the stupidiest things. And at the same time, he'd hurt me as bad as he could for not being his... It's a difficult spot, I guess.
On the other hand... Something about Emilie makes me think about Lady Death (I don't know if there is character with that name, but, what I really mean is a " mistress", a "lover" that somehow helps people go to "the other side"). The idea that Emilie KNOWS where Joe is, kind of makes me stop here... Although it is pretty obvius he is dead, since John says "his name was"... Something about it made me click here.

I believe there is a kind of Emilie that is dead, like a dead lover/husband/dad or whatever. She died with her loved ones and now she is just trying to make the new corpses-to-be feel a little better... At the same time, maybe a previous-human-lady-death could fit in this description as well...

What did you feel happened at the end there?
- I could accept she was just a prostitute until this part: "He loves my peridot earrings, the ones he gave me, and tells me they look lovely with my eyes. He always does.".
I'm sorry, I can't accept that different people would give her the same earrings. Not only that, I don'tbelieve a prostitue would blush to "And you are very beautiful.". Emilie seems even more strange here to me than any other part, to be true...
I do feel like she is a kind of super-natural entity here. I really do. Somehow she tells us this story that, even if some time had passed, wouldn´t make sense.
We could think John is dead for sometime and Sam's being visiting for a while, but, even so the earrings just... Doesn't make sense.
On the other hand, I don't think John would have gave them... If she is lying about the earrings, I do believe the one who really gave her the earrings where the one she loved. She REALLY loved. Not felt "guilty" for not going to war or just "making her part". The one she truly loved.
I don't buying she is just pretending a romance to herself. She seems to be smarter than that... I feel like she is really playing with us reading for something... I'm just... Not entirely sure for what.

Does this fit your description of an unreliable narrator, why or why not?
Hell yeah!! I don't think we can trust her AT ALL!!

Grammar shiz: Anything off, clunky, or grammatically incorrect?
Well, I'm not a native american so, english is not my mother-language... I did understand all of your text and I'm not used to think anything strange at it....