Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icondoughboycafe: More from doughboycafe


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
August 13, 2012
File Size
7.7 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,507
Favourites
41 (who?)
Comments
63
Downloads
6
×

doughboycafe has limited the viewing of this artwork
to members of the deviantART community only.

You can log in or become a member for FREE!

ok, a little short i pumped out for the :iconwriters-workshop: 'Unreliable Narrator' workshop. I think I was supposed to do a character sketch, but oops, all this spilled out.

I have a very clear idea of Emilie and what's happening with her, but I'm interested to see what you think is happening with her.

Crit for tWR: [link]

So, Crit Questions:
:bulletpink: What do you think is the deal with Emilie?
:bulletpink: What did you feel happened at the end there?
:bulletpink: does this fit your description of an unreliable narrator, why or why not?
:bulletpink: grammar shiz: Anything off, clunky, or grammatically incorrect?

Big ups to :iconoboe-wan: for helping me slug through this one.

EDIT: June 2012, made some edits, retooled the beginning, or rather, rearranged things. Hopefully cleaned up the punctuation but I probably need a little more help with that.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconvertfey:
I have to say this is still one my all time favorite short stories - published works included. So well done.
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Jun 14, 2013  Professional Writer
:heart: thank you, very much. It means a lot, because this is the first time I feel I've been able to voice well enough how war affects non combatants. Or at least this war.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jun 13, 2013  Student Writer
Wow. This is really powerful. I loves it!

I'd tell you what I think is happening with Emilie, but I'm not quite sure I could put it into words, and I don't want to sound stupid. Tell me and I'll tell you if I'm wrong? lol.
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Jun 14, 2013  Professional Writer
No, it's not going to be stupid. I left it open on purpose.

Basically, Emmy is a girl. She could be a prostitute if you want to imagine her that way, but maybe, she is just a girl. She sleeps with soldiers. She's cracking because of the stress of living in wartime Paris, and probably having lost someone, and the fact that she is always with a new boy every go around. So, she's suffering from a kind of dissociation, and is kind of coping by not reconciling the change over between men.

But really, other interpretations could be correct. I have my imagining of it, but this is one of those stories that is open enough to be whatever it is the reader assumes, if you get my meaning?
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jun 15, 2013  Student Writer
I get your meaning, lol. I like your interpretation better than mine though. LOL.
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Jun 15, 2013  Professional Writer
Now you have to tell me yours. Note me if you have to. My curiosity is overwhelming.
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jun 26, 2013  Student Writer
Well, it wasn't a very well developed idea, but in my head, she was doing it because she wanted to help the soldiers feel at home for once in their lives, before they went and risked their lives again.
Reply
:icondoughboycafe:
doughboycafe Jun 27, 2013  Professional Writer
 YES. Yes. That is a huge part of it. Wanting to give kindness and not realizing she's giving away little pieces of herself, which is ultimately causing problems for her. But you definitely read one of the principle motivations correctly!
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Jun 27, 2013  Student Writer
:phew: Well, now I don't feel so stupid.
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
this is so well done. there are places where the punctuation is messy--where semicolons would have been more appropriate than commas, especially in the opening paragraphs--but the characterization of emilie carried this piece wonderfully. she's so tragic, honestly sympathetic and beautifully written. great work.
Reply
Add a Comment: